Explainations

I’m a 20-year old orphan girl suffering/surviving severe depression, insomnia, and social anxiety disorders, among other things.

I write, daily, and most likely, it will end up here, now.
I also cook, bake, and crochet–this will not end up here. That is not for this; nor is this for that.

I suppose if you came to this from that, you’d think me bipolar. I am not.
Allow me to explain.
Sometimes, I survive. I persevere. I do things. Crochet, cook, bake, go out and interact with the world.
Other times, I do not. Saying I suffer is a bit melodramatic. But I do not leave the 600 square feet of security and isolation that is my apartment. I close the shades, turn the television on, and hide.

I have had several unfortunate social interactions in the past seven years that have accumulated to a rather ridiculous case of social anxiety disorder. I have a prescription for Xanax for that, for circumstances of utter terror, but I honestly almost never take it.
I also take Effexor XR, to treat the depression and the SAD on a daily basis.
I’m supposed to take Ambien, but generally don’t. This may seem ill-advised, as I don’t sleep well, but I’d rather sleep unwell naturally than sleep like the dead and hallucinate.

I live…well, it’s not truly a dual life–that would be entirely too much fun. Sort of a half-life. My thoughts race (yes yes classic depression symptom) so rapidly that it’s like…my world is moving too quickly for the real world. But I rarely share it, and people rarely see it when I do.



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